new discoveries in human physiology

saturday i went to the gym with the hulk and phil and paid $16 to lift some weights. make no mistake, i could feel it when i got home saturday night but sunday morning when woke up i could not move my arms. i believe i have discovered a completely new, previously undocumented type of soreness. every muscle i have is sore, with the exception of maybe my toes. i can't straighten my arms out. i had to roll out of bed because my abs hurt to much to sit up, and my arms are too jell-o-y to prop myself up. my hamstrings hurt. my traps hurt. my pecs hurt. basically the muscles in red in this diagram.



laura thinks i am being a bit dramatic. i assure you, i am not. typically, i would not be surprised by this, as i've gone through it before. i don't lift weights for an extended period of time. then i decide to start lifting again and i always over-do it. this usually results in some sore muscles the day or two after, but this is different. the closest i have ever come to this amount of soreness is once after a three day ski trip where when i sat down in a chair, i could not lift my feet off the ground and once when i rode 52 miles on my bicycle in 4 hours. this is as best i can figure, what it feels like to be worked over with a baseball bat, being in car accident or perhaps being on the bottom of the dallas cowboys offensive line. i thought about taking a sick day today but decided that i didn't want the hulk to have the satisfaction.